(They arrive at Castle Frankenstein)

Ebeneezer
This is Castle Frankenstein.   Dr. Frankenstein was the last person to see The Invisible Man alive – well, so to speak.   We’d better question him.  But first, let’s trick-or treat.

(He knocks on the door.  Frankenstein’s Monster opens it with a tremendous growl.)

Ebeneezer
Oh!  We were expecting Dr. Frankenstein!  Well, come on everybody. Trick or Treat!

Frankie (The Creature)
Hallowe’en – Goood!    No Candy.   Baad. (Pause)   Honey!

(The Bride of Frankenstein appears and looks affronted to see everyone.  She hisses at them and looks at Frankie – and hisses at him.   Then she hisses at everyone else again.)

Ebeneezer
Maybe we should come back another time.

(Dr. Frankenstein sticks his head out of the upstairs window.)

Dr. Frankenstein
Who’s down there, Frankie?   Oh, it’s Ebeneezer Scurge.   What brings you here?

Ebeneezer
We’re trick or treating on Monster Street.

Dr. Frankenstein
Well, you’ve come at a bad time. I’m attempting to reanimate a deceased lawyer.   (Confused)   Although for the life of me, I can’t remember why.  We don’t have any candy.     Frankie, I think Igor stole – er- received an extra shipment of eyeballs from the Medical School.  Those are always fun.  Pass those out, would you?

Ebeneezer
Oh, no, eyeballs?  Uh, that’s okay… (Frankie has grabbed a jar of eyeballs from inside and thrusts one menacingly at Ebeneezer)   Oh, well, thank you.

(As Frankie passes them out, the Bride stares at each person he gives one to and hisses.)

Dr. Frankenstein
Alright then, see you next Hallowe’en!

Ebeneezer
Oh wait, Doctor! There’s something else.  The Invisible Man has been murdered.

Dr. Frankenstein
What?  I was just with him a short while ago!

Ebeneezer
That’s just it, sir.   You were the last person to see him – uh, to be with him – alive.

Dr. Frankenstein
Oh, yes.   Well, he started taking his clothes off in Dracula’s crypt – he’s like that sometimes- and I just decided not to stick around so I headed home.

Ebeneezer
Well, somebody stabbed him in the back!

(He holds out the knife and the Bride stares at it.  She hisses, snatches it out of Scurge’s hand and then glares at Frankie.)

Frankie
Our knife.

Ebeneezer
Really?  That’s interesting because he was attempting to blackmail you folks. It says here in his little book that “Frankenstein’s Creature and his Bride are NOT a happy couple!  They fight all the time!”

(Frankie and his bride both look mortified.  She stares at him and screams.)

Dr. Frankenstein
Ah, well, yes, I’m afraid there’s some truth in that accusation.   But I think you’d have to place the blame for that on me.

Song for Dr. Frankenstein, His Creature
and the Creature’s Bride

Dr. Frankenstein
In assembling their body parts from folks already dead,
I’m afraid I wasn’t too concerned with what’s INSIDE their heads.
Their brains may have been abnormal but you’d be surprised to see
That the truth is that they’ve turned out quite a bit like you and me.

Frankie (The Creature)
At first I thought her screaming was endearing
Although she never had a lot to say
(She screams again.)
But pretty soon I’d lost half of my hearing
And the screaming never seemed to go away.

And so I told the Doc I needed healing.
He taught her English and I watched her grow!
So now she tells me everything she’s feeling!
And I sort of miss the days I didn’t know!

Bride of Frankenstein
Why can’t you go out and get a decent job?!!
You lay around the castle like a half-dead slob!
You never shower!  Look at you!  You’re turning green!
And you never buy the yummy treats for Hallowe’en!
(She looks distastefully at the jar of eyeballs.)

Frankie
At first, having a mate seemed so appealing
Though she shrieked at each and every word I said
But now that she says everything she’s feeling,
I’ve begun to miss the days when I was dead.

Bride
You come home smelling smoky like a funeral pyre!

Frankie
Only when the villagers set me on fire!

Bride
One time you left for months and didn’t call a bit!

Frankie
That’s the time that I was trapped beneath that sulfur pit!

Bride
You’re always getting bruised in fights. You just don’t care!

Frankie
That’s because that stupid werewolf makes fun of your hair!

Bride
And at night you never want to cuddle up with me.

Frankie
‘Cause you’re full of crackling volts of electricity!

Dr. Frankenstein
The unfortunate effect of all the monster marriage strife
Is my Creature has forgotten why he asked me for a wife.
But there’s one thing that for these two’s very literally so:
They were made for each other! Really, I should know!

Everyone Else
They were made for each other, every bloody part!
Why, he used the same sutures when he sewed their hearts!

Bride
Now, our kitchen knife was missing!  It was used in that attack!
I said, “Put BACK your utensils” but I didn’t mean HIS back!

Frankie
Someone gets attacked and right away you think it’s me!
Sure, I’ve killed some folks but only one’s that I could see!

Bride
Maybe it’s the doctor!   Never trust a human face!
If you made more money, we could move to our own place!

Frankie
The Doc would never kill.  He won’t risk leaving clues
When the cemetery’s FULL of parts that he can use!

Dr. Frankenstein
They can bicker on forever.  Let me say it’s pretty bad.
Yes, I dug them out of graveyards but I feel like I’m their dad.
But it’s tough to punish children who could crush your head.
They were made for each other from the freshly dead.

Wolfman
(spoken) There’s only one way to get them to stop fighting with each other!   Make them fight with me!   Hey Frankie!   Who’s the chick with the roadkill skunk on her head?

(The Bride hisses in outrage and Frankie attacks the Wolfman.)

Frankie
(spoken) That’s my Bride, you flea filled curr!

Dracula
Ah, Frankenstein meets the Wolfman yet again!

(They beat on each other a bit and then Frankie pummels Wolfman into the ground.)

Bride of Frankenstein
(spoken) My hero!  (She hugs him.)

Everyone
(Singing) They (We) were made for each other, every bloody part.
Yes, he (I) used the same sutures when he (I) sewed their (our) hearts!

Wolfman
(spoken) Ah, the things I do for true love!

Ebeneezer
Well, Doctor.  It sounds like you had motive, the opportunity, and the murder weapon!

Dr. Frankenstein
The knife was my fault.  I misplaced my scalpel just before the Mad Scientist’s convention so I took our kitchen knife in case I needed to cut up the body I was going to reanimate.    Someone must have stolen it from me.  (The Bride hisses at him.) Sorry.   I was running late.

Ebeneezer
Well, since everyone seems to be out here, we might as well get to the bottom of this.   We’ve heard all the blackmail secrets.   In theory you all had motive.   I don’t know how we’re going to get to figure this out.

Dracula
I believe there is someone who knows.    The Devil lives here on Monster Street and he knows every evil action anyone takes.

Ebeneezer
Would he tell us?

Dracula
He might want a small price. Your soul or something.

Ebeneezer
What?!!!

Phantom
Do not get cheap, Monsieur Scurge!

Wolfman
Are you afraid to ask?   What are you hiding?

Mummy
Yes, a man with no wrappings can’t be trusted.

Ebeneezer
Alright, I’ll ask!   But I’m not giving him my soul.

(He walks over to Death, who’s ribs are the gate to Hell.)

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