(They arrive at the Pyramid and Scurge knocks on the door.)

Mummy
Hello!   The Mummy is at your service.

Scurge
Ah, very good.   Well, first of all, we’re out for Hallowe’en.   Everyone?   Trick or Treat!

Mummy
Ah yes, the trick-or-treating ritual.    I have tootsie rolls for you all from around the time of the construction of the Sphinx.    But, like all the trick-or-treat candy you collect, the most important thing about them is that they’re WRAPPED.

Ebeneezer
Thank you very much, Mr. Mummy.    I’m afraid there’s something else as well.  It seems that the Invisible Man was stabbed in the back tonight.

Mummy
That chap with the bandages on his face?   What a pity.  He seemed very sensible.

Ebeneezer
Yes, and it turns out that he was planning on blackmailing you.

Mummy
Nonsense.  One cannot blackmail a mummy.  We are the essence of perfection.  (Pause) Blackmailing me about what?

Ebeneezer
He says, “The Mummy was improperly mummified.”

Mummy
(In sheer horror) The wretchedness of that statement knows no bounds.

The Mummy’s Song

Section One – Verse One

The Mummy
I am a mummy of the ancient world
And a right good mummy too.
I’m sure they wrapped me right.
It was very, very tight.
And they wrapped my pets up too.

(Dracula, His Brides, Wolfman, Phantom and Hunchback all step out to sing.)

Everyone Else
He’s sure they wrapped him right.
It was very, very tight.
And they wrapped his pets up too.

Section One – Verse Two

The Mummy
I don’t know why a man, invisible,
Should attempt to blackmail me.
I thought that he was swell
For he wrapped himself quite well,
Covering himself admirably.

Everyone Else
He thought that he was swell
For he wrapped himself quite well,
Covering himself admirably.

Section Two – Verse One

The Mummy
How dare he say that my embalming wasn’t what it ought to be?
They took out all my organs; did a nasal tube lobotomy.
They filled me up with sawdust so there were no gaps inside of me.
I think that “solid” was a word that you could say applied to me.

Everyone Else
We think that “solid” was a word that you could say applied to me. (Dracula: Uh, him.)

The Mummy
To dry out all my tissues, they left me in sodium carbonate.
They wrapped me up in strips of linen so I won’t contaminate.
Had I been left exposed, I’m really sure it would have haunted me.
A mummy’s what I am and that is everything I want to be!

Everyone Else
And if I had unwrapped him, I am sure he would have haunted me.
A mummy’s what he is and that is everything he wants to be!

Section 2 – Second Verse

The Mummy
It isn’t hard to see that my embalming was of quality.
My body’s kept so well, I can afford to feel frivolity.
It’s been three thousand years and yet I’ve scarcely seemed to age a day.
The way that things are going, I don’t think I’ll ever fade away.

Everybody Else
The way that things are going, we don’t think he’ll ever fade away!

The Mummy
And every Hallowe’en, a  lot of people like to tell of me.
Some children dress as mummies although none is wrapped as well as me.
In any case, that fellow’s accusation hasn’t daunted me.
A mummy’s what I am and that is everything I want to be.

Everybody Else
In any case, this mummy’s confidence has slightly daunted me.
A mummy’s what he is and that is everything he wants to be!

Finale

Yes, this mummy here has said it
And it’s greatly to his credit.
Mummy and Everyone
My (His) embalming was first class!
My (His) embalming was first class!

Ebeneezer
I’m sorry to have offended you, sir. But your outrage might give you a strong motive.

Mummy
I am a master of ancient Egyptian curses, sir.   I do not stab people in the back.

Ebeneezer
Okay then.   I’m sure we’ll be in touch.

Mummy
If you have any more frivolous claims to make about me, feel free to deal directly with Annubis, the Egyptian jackal god of the dead.

Ebeneezer
Yeah, we’ll do that.     Come on kids.   Time to move on

(Sings) There’s been a murder on Monster Street.
Monster Street!  Monster Street!
But Trick-or-treating on Monster Street –
To Notre Dame we’ll go!

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